Joy and sadness as co-pilots
How many of you have seen *Inside Out*? It’s the Disney-Pixar movie that humanizes the emotions of an 11-year-old girl—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust. Each believes they’re the most important emotion, but none more than Joy. She spends most of the movie trying to cheer up and lighten the mood for the other emotions, especially Sadness. She can’t let negativity take hold, so she frantically tries to fix and smooth over all hardships. You’ll find it hard to believe that this approach doesn’t work. Nor is it productive or useful.
Unsurprisingly, I am Joy. Maybe not when I haven’t had coffee, stubbed my toe, or have a flat tire, but most of the time, that’s me. Unfailingly positive and enthusiastic.
The last couple of months have been a bit of a rough go. My dad died in January. My college friend was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Another friend found out she has rheumatoid arthritis along with Celiac disease.
As Joy, my default is to immediately look for the positive in all these scenarios. My dad had been in a nursing home for over two years, and his death was quick and painless for him. My friend with MS is not letting the disease keep her from going to Europe with her husband and teenage daughters, despite how hard walking is for her. My other friend works for a nonprofit that supports Celiac disease research and is beginning to find success with her latest drug cocktail to manage her RA pain.
I am astute enough to know that shoving all this positivity at someone who is going through these hardships is not helpful, so I empathize and sit with them in their suck. Because that’s what it is. Suck.
But I am the worst at sitting in my own suck. As a friend says, I double down on happiness and keep pushing ahead. This is not healthy, nor is it a way to travel through life. At 58 years old (still accepting birthday presents!), I am finally learning the difficult and deeply scary truth that Joy discovers at the end of Inside Out. Without Sadness, there can be no Joy. If everything is always going well, you have no appreciation or gratitude for it. And there are so many events that absolutely cannot be reframed in a positive light. They’re just awful and heartbreaking. Period.
As Joy, I lean hard into gratitude for all the incredible blessings I have. My life is amazing, and I appreciate it every day. But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, and that’s okay. My takeaway – everyone needs Joy in their life (just ask me!), but you also need to sit with the other emotions, even when that feels icky and hard. I don’t especially love anything that’s icky and hard, but I do love to see the sunshine after a long spell of darkness. If it weren’t for the darkness, I might never notice and appreciate the light.