(Author’s note: The CVC website has been down for awhile so the blog posts have been piling up.  This was originally published on September 23, 2020.)

Remember the good old days when you could have knock-down political fights at the Thanksgiving table and then when the football game started, all was forgotten?  What happened? Why do we now go straight from political fights to estrangements and divorces?  How is it ok to dismiss dear friends, favorite coworkers, beloved cousins, and even your own significant other because of the party they vote for? Who amongst us hasn’t labeled one of our people with the term, ‘idiot’, ‘liberal’, ‘snowflake’, or ‘Nazi,’ thanks to their cable news network preference?

I just read Arthur Brooks’ book, “Love Your Enemies.” It’s about how to combat the culture of contempt that’s taken over America. He defines contempt as anger mixed with disgust and if you’ve ever curled your lip at a politician you loathe on TV, you’ve experienced it. Contempt is the death of a relationship, which explains why we’re so quick to dismiss and ostracize someone for holding an opinion with which we don’t agree.

Brooks argues that the culture of contempt in America is so pervasive that one in six Americans stopped talking to a family member or close friend because of the 2016 election. Contempt is the death knell of any hope of compromise, bipartisanship, tolerance, or understanding. Raise your hand if you’ve hidden or unfriended people on your Facebook feed because their political leanings diverge from yours.

By happily ensconcing yourself in a universe where everyone around you agrees with your views, you’re missing out on the big picture.  It’s called living in an echo chamber. By doing this, you’re also jettisoning some very important and dear friends and relatives over your perception of their flawed characters.

Brooks breaks down where it all goes so wrong between Democrats and Republicans, and turns out, we have more in common than not.  Unfortunately, commonalities don’t sell commercials or online advertising.  Clickbait is real – how many times have you seen an outrageous headline on Facebook about a politician, clicked on it, and found that the story was more tame than expected? Welcome to the beauty of hysteria.  If it doesn’t exist, it can be manufactured.

Let’s try something different.  Instead of immediately labeling someone, ask questions. Go deeper.  It’s what we model in Community Conversations and it’s what leads to finding similarities and shared values. Our October 22 and 24 Conversations will be about what qualities you look for in a leader.   That’s important to think about as November 3 looms closer.

The Wyoming/Montana chapter of Braver Angels, a national volunteer nonprofit that promotes the exchange of ideas by teaching people how to listen and speak to each other, offers workshops, discussions, and debates (using its own inclusive and no-winner, no-loser format).  It’s an excellent bipartisan (that actually exists) forum for learning and understanding. Watch for upcoming local events via Zoom by following their Facebook page.

When you think about it, belittling and demoralizing those friends and family members who think differently than you may feel good briefly, as you smugly tout your superiority to yourself.  But in the long run, it’s a schism you can’t fix and your self-righteousness isn’t visiting you in the hospital, sending you a birthday card, taking you out for drinks, or sharing your Star Trek addiction. Is politics really worth it?

We can be better.  We can do better. It starts with us. Stop labeling and start listening.  It’s the only way we’re going to get back to the America we love. And the only way Thanksgiving brawls will happen is when your superior football team triumphs over those weenie Cowboys.

Oops.